Nothing could be worst than this
by mick3y92
Summary: Back stage during the grease performance Brittany comes over to talk to Santana. It's sweet and heart breaking all at the same time but what Brittany doesn't know is what Santana's thinking. She doesn't know how hard it is to put on that happy facade. She doesn't know how much pain Santana is in just trying to make everything seem normal.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: Spoiler Alert If you haven't watched this weeks episode of glee you shouldn't read this if you don't want to know what happens just yet. Other than that read on and bring you tissues because I still feel sad looking this over.**

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"I miss you"

_Go ahead it's okay to say it back._

"I miss you too."

_God she looks so beautiful._

"The only reason why I agreed to do this play was so that I could see you again."

_Damn maybe I've said too much._

"I'm not dating anybody new. Boy or girl."

_Shit. I knew I shouldn't have said that. I can't keep doing this to her. She's deserves to be happy and I'm not around to do that anymore. _

"Britt we talked about this..and it would be fine if you were."

_That was a lie pull back just a little bit._

"I'm glad that you're not."

"Sixty seconds Miss Lopez."

_Thanks Mike, you got me out of a hard spot. I don't know how much longer I can put up this happy face around her. Not when we're talking about this. Talking about us, or what used to be us. I can't handle that._

"Ha Ms Lopez. Are you are nervous about your big number?"

_Now this I can do. Small talk. I can pretend nothing's wrong if she's not talking about it. I can pretend that I'm all happy and badass. That's always been my specialty. _

"Oh God no! It's all about the attitude. I'm just gonna do what I did with America in West Side Story last year."

_See that was a piece of cake._

"Yeah, but this is like a sad song right? So you have to think about something that like makes you really sad. Like how were not together anymore and it's okay but it still hurts a little bit."

_Fuck._

"Especially on Fridays because that was our date night."

_Britt I..You can't do this. You can't..I can't. I love you so much but you weren't happy when I left. I was always so busy with school and you couldn't talk to me. The distance was too much for you. You said so. You said you felt like I abandoned you. I'm doing this for you, so you can be happy. You wouldn't be happy if we were still together right now._

"Good Luck."

_Would you?_


	2. Chapter 2

**A/n: I have a lot of feels right now so this just had to be done. This is Brittany's take on what happened after her and Santana's talk during the play.**

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Dear Journal

It's friday again and Santana's not here. She hasn't been here for a lot of fridays actually. I know it's probably stupid but I don't go out on friday nights anymore. Instead I stay at home and do what _we_ would be doing. I put some popcorn in the microwave pop in a sweet valley high dvd and cuddle up with the duck Santana won me at the state fair. It still kinda smells like her. I guess I could go out, I mean She did take me out on fridays. But it just seems wrong without her here. Watching the stars in the back of her dad's ford pick up or skipping stones on the lake just wouldn't be the same.

I miss her so much Journal. I know she misses me too. She said so during the play. But then she said it's fine if we date other people. I couldn't believe she said that. Does she not want to be with me anymore? I was so sad after she said that. I couldn't help but say it. Say how I feel every friday night I spend without her. She could always hide her feelings so well, something I never really learned how to do.

When I got up and walked away I thought it was really over. I thought she didn't want to be with me anymore. But then she got up to sing and I knew. I knew she felt the same as me. I could just tell that she wanted to be with me. That she sits in her dorm on friday nights wearing my hoodie and watching the little mermaid (because she knows that's my favorite Disney movie.) She's always great at hiding her feelings but not when she sings. When she sings I can feel all the things she can't say.

She thinks this is what I want. That this is what's best for me. But she's wrong journal. She's never been so wrong about anything in her life. I don't need this.

I just need her.


End file.
